“what have you been up to besides not talking to me?”
Excuse me while I cough to death as I listen to The Mountain Goats.
You know what’s awkward? When the few date-able people in your school are all friends, and once you’ve asked one of them out it becomes incredibly weird to ever ask another out somebody else, because they all hang out together and it’s really awkward.
So basically this is what’s happening this week:
- Civics Essay
- Existentialist Essay
- Anatomy Test
- SATs
- End of Hellatus
I’m not gonna be on much this week, probably not until Saturday night-ish, although I will, of course, make a queue, and I definitely will be on Wednesday to cry about Supernatural.
So yeah, there will be busyness. Wish me luck (especially with the SATs, I’m almost as underprepared as I was last time, and this is super important and aiudsghiusfhdaiuh I hope it goes well I really really do).
Off to go do community serviceish thingies, then cry for the rest of the day watch Doctor Who.
Right, so a few of you know this, but the rest probably don’t, so here we go: I’m asexual. I’ve known that for about a year, and felt that way for my whole life.
About six months ago I came out to a close friend of mine. She’s the only person I’ve told, aside from my sister, and at the time I was almost crying with relief over how well she took it. She didn’t ask me if I was sure, or tell me that I just needed to find the right guy, she just said ‘Hey, sexuality is a huge thing, and this totally makes sense’. And it was awesome.
Since then we haven’t talked about it much, she just incorporated it into her view of me, so to speak, and it hasn’t been an issue, for which I’m thankful. Recently, however, we were talking, and I mentioned how I don’t feel like a girl, sometimes. That I forget things like the fact I have ‘a large rack’, as it’s been put, that I just feel like a person, like me, and gender doesn’t enter into that much. And she said it was too bad someone couldn’t inspire me to be a girl, or accept that I was one. That maybe that acceptance would lead me to accepting a sexual lifestyle.
I honestly wasn’t sure what to say. She didn’t mean it unkindly, or for it to be an insult, but I felt like it was one. I’m a pretty content asexual, I don’t pine to be normal, most of the time, and the fact that there are people out there who think that the only reason why I don’t have any interest in sex is because I don’t really feel like a girl…that bothered me.
I guess this has pretty much been a post about how I’m not going to live my life waiting to be a late bloomer, and I really hope no one else is doing the same. Basically, accept your friends? Sexuality is fluid, but don’t sit around and wait for water to freeze or ice to melt. Because sometimes it doesn’t.
Only one of my classmates is online and i need to know about things in english. and the one on is the one i talked to last time about homework. it’d be awkward.
dammit.
on the bright side i almost have my thesis.
Today went downhill really fast…
I’m gonna go curl up in a ball and watch Scott Pilgrim. It’s been that kind of a day.
